Angel Heart - 1987

This was a suggestion from a friend. A friend who is a Mickey Rourke fan. Classic Mickey Rourke, before apparent excessive drug use. Anyway, that said, this is a classic P.I. piece, with all the eager clichés ("Detective Harry Angel?" Seriously? Awesome.) Here's the deal, since it was made in '87 it has a sort of era-specific, dirty, jazzy, "Miami Vice" feel to it. But once you get over that, you can appreciate this supernatural who-dunnit, for what it is. Fun, and telling and, in a way, significant. I'm told that one of these scenes was so out-of-bounds that it got Bonet in major trouble with the Cos', on our beloved Cosby Show. That little nugget of pop-cultural knowledge alone, is a fun enough reason to watch this movie. Now, let's just call 'em like we see 'em, if you're gonna stick your neck out, why not do it like this, with Mickey at career full-mast. Released as his first film after 9 1/2 weeks, and not long before Wild Orchid, this one met up to his skin-emax criteria, for sures. And I'll tell you what, if you're screening a script, and one detail is that De Niro has signed on as the Devil? You have your agent duel with muskets for that shit, if ya gotta! (A side thought: I couldn't help but compare this to Pacino's Satan, in The Devil's Advocate. He was great. But in spite of a sadly limited amount of screentime, De Niro's obscure look carries a classically blantant presence through a great perfomance. 'ts why he's Robert De Niro and you're not.) The ending is pretty cool, which is a pleasant suprise, but honestly, being set in 1930's New York and Louisiana, I thought the soundtrack could have been better. For the controversy, I say rent it, if you're grabbing a few titles with a group of friends for the night. If not, catch it on TV (if anyone still does that). Oh, and keep your eye for the "nose shield": "Mrs. Mulwray, I goddamn near lost my nose. And I like it. I like breathing through it." Dig it.

Mothman Prophecies - 2002

Ok. Old model, new methods. The story is a suspense mystery based on true happenings. Truly, best-seller-fiction fodder. But the techinque, . . .the camera angles, the jump cuts, the transitions, the layered sound effects, . . . all those technical values, overlap and mish-mash and blur your feelings, effectively creating a subconscious empathy for what the characters are going through. As well, this one's spilling over with visual imagery and symbolism. Mothman Prophecies is lots of fun to watch and really did seem to make some edgy moves as far as style goes. With a chilly but warm "eh, could be true" finish thats similar to Shyamalan's "Signs," this film rounds out to a great viewing. Totally worth it. Green light. (Thanks to my man, Vinnie B. Who lent me his copy of this years ago and moved to Japan.)

Playing Dead - 2000

So, at first glance on IMDB, I thought: "Oh Cool. This title is soo student-indy that it dosen't even have a listing." But alas it was just lost in poor title-choice limbo. It's there. Along with like, 6 other pieces of shit. But I like shit. The obscurity of the find, at the used VHS store is usually proportionate to the professional level of the actors and their performance. But oddly, here, it works. Viewing Playing Dead, the film somehow feels like it could be your kid cousin who made this. The acting is scarcely beliavable and the footage always looks like the equipment was cheap (sort of PBS/porno-esque), but the people are real. They're squeeky voiced anti-heroes, who aren't 6 ft. tall, with broad shoulders. I dug the Hallmark-like score for it's quirk, and I noticed that the outdoors shot of the cabin looked like the Evil Dead cabin, hoping that was intentional homage, but realizing it proabably isn't. Storywise, I thought it was a good effort, for a student film, but not something worth shopping around, which sometimes seems like the intention of this floppy noodle. The major fault of this little yarn, unique as it is, is the revelation at the end which makes you back track and ask questions that can't be answered reliably, and not in that cool, Quentin Tarentino - "it's up to you, the viewer" kind of way. Watch it, if it's available and convenient, especially if you're in the middle of a horror marathon, just to say you did. If not, no need to come back from the grave for this one.

Zombieland - 2009

With the boys back home pushing the hype on this one pretty hard, it was kind of unavoidable that I see it. So I went with a friend, shut off the plot-shredding critical side of the brain, and watched all 88 minutes of it. And Loved it. Later, through a text-versation with my friend BK, I cultivated my opinion. He typed, and I quote: "Name one better zombie movie." I thought of the godfather, the rule-setter, Romero's Night of the Living Dead (Thank you Mr. Romero). Then mentioned that I thought Boyle's 28 Days Later modernized the idea, best. Lastly, Shaun of the Dead champeened the "zom-edy" sub-genre and opened the gate for the Apatow Dynasty to throw in it's wisdom. I also derived my personal criteria of the zombie flick: #1.) It must have some sort of social commentary, preferrably with the whole of our society and their current, uhm. . . "flaws." And so, I saw the on-screen "rules" as a reflection of the currently popular coffeetable-esque writing fad of "zombie survival," literally readable on screen of course to catalize the connection. Then came this little queery: "If a 12-year-old not knowing who Bill Murray, and eventually Ghandi are, irritates me indefinitely, does that mean I'm getting old? Or does it justify the observation that kids these days seem to know more about how to text from their pockets and check itunes updates, than good ol' modern world history? Carl Grutt zombie-flick criteria #2.) They should eventually touch on the mental struggle of loosing a loved one to personal survival. Each character here did briefly, so gold star. I also appreciated how this one touched on our soft-programmed American want for excess. Honestly, the power would proabably be out in a couple of weeks, but let's skip over that and show how frustrating it is to not have our fave snack foods. On that, Bob and another friend (thanks Koshack!) reminded me of the main point of the new zombie era: Rackin up gore points! For sure, that's the focus of this one. Totally watchable fun, well worth the ticket to ride. I boosted it to an A- because of Bill Murray. He's like an extra credit report, always a good idea. Yes Yes, go see it guys.

Where the Wild Things Are - 2009

MONSTERS. Ok. That's the connection, get over it. But really, this review half-way wrote itself. First, it was fantastic. As all of us early thirty-somethings hoped. But as the closing credits rolled, I over heard 4 consecutive statements behind me form three coeds. 1.) "That really affected me emotionally." It sounded sarcastic to me, but I couldn't tell so, I let it this one pass. 2.) "That was NOT a kids movie!" (Assumingly, in reguards to the reviews that suggest it's too dark for children. It's just right, actually.) Funny, to me these three behind me were the "kids." About half this crowd were the punks that come in after the movie starts and stand in front of the closing credits while they figure out "where we're all meeing up now." Sit the fuck down, please. 3.) "So, what did you think about the Karen O. soundtrack?" Of fucking course. Your main influence to see this movie is your Ipod (though, she was the pick of the litter from Jonzes rolodex, for this slot). Not your childhood love of the story and your peaking intrigue as to how Mr. Big Brother, Mr. Sabotage video, Mr. "I don't really have a day job, sir.", Mr. Malcovich Malcovich, deciphers the 338 words. Thank god he's barely 40 (Last Thursday! Happy Birthday, Spike!). He absolutely knows the gravity of this challenge. But the coeds. . . , "not so much." 4.) "It was sad that Carol was so, Manic-depressant." Wow. I hope you eventually gave this another couple minutes of thought. The later 3/4's of this movie are an intrupretation of an 8-year-old boy's thoughts and fantasys and relelations. So chew on that for a while, Miss ENG-101. Well there's my share of Hater-ade. Thankfully, not one drop is for this beautiful film. Thanks for all of your efforts Spike. Props. And thanks to my friend Andi, for the food for thought. See it while it's still on the big screen. Take your kids. Answer their questions.

Dreamcatcher - 2003

From the diary of Lawrence Kasdan: "May 1, 2003: Dear diary, Shit! I fear that I have done something horribly unjust to my own fucking career. It's possible that my only hope now may be Plan X: Remake my beloved 'Big Chill.' All is lost."

This film is a fucking disaster. I got it for free, in a box of VHS from a friend who was moving (I never turn that offer down, even if it's a box full of cartoon classics and copies of Jerry Maguire). I glanced at the back of the sleeve: Stephen King blah blah, What? Kasdan? Hmmm, Jason Lee (I love him! His delivery is classic.), Morgan Freeman (Cool!) and Donnie Wahlberg, (Weird. Ok.) I'm in. Well, Party-Fucking-Foul. This shit had me squinting and tilting my head, early on. How the fuck did they pull this cast, with this script? I mean, Lee brought his signature snaps ("Reefer Sutherland." Put that one in the bag, for the hipsters.) but why would Freeman sign on to this piece of shit? For fun? Is he an avid reader and wanted to try a King adaptation (He did mention that he likes Elmore Leonard, while filming The Big Bounce.)? Or was it just the chance to rock that ridiculous flat top and those wild-ass eye-brows? The second choice is my guess on Kasdan's motivation for this, having had a handfull of his fellow, old-school "New Hollywood" peers offer up thier attempts at the name-bassed sub-genre. Embracing that observation, I saw scores of classic King-isms: from leeches on my dick, to childhood flashbacks and buddy teamwork. From sewers and train tracks and snowy mountains, to fuzzy meteors and Mr. Flagg, I mean Gray. Along with those King-isms you also get bits of tricks o' the trade, signatured by Kasdan's bros: Lucas's wipe transitions (out of nowhere, I'll add), Cameron's infamous water worm, Spielberg's Alien Investigation team, complete with puffy white space-man suits, and Scott's flesh-busting aliens. So if you're a junkie for nostalgia, all of this stuff is crammed in there for ya, tragiaclly leaving no room for a sensible plot. Yep, this one crashes and burns early. And Let's not forget the real loser in all of this: poor Donnie Wahlberg, who gets to keep his film career afloat by taking one for the team and playing a chemo-mumalard (they coulda just rang up Clint Howard and saved the make-up) who's cheeseball transformation later, is a step up. Man, way to cowboy up, Donnie. Seriously, Props. All P.C. comments aside, I'll reiterate: This film is a fucking tragedy. If there is no other option, invest in this film. Have fun! It's all this mess is worth.

The "(31) Days Later" 2!!

More of last years reviews, again from MySpace (gotta cut and paste the web addresses on IMBD). Enjoy!

Alright all you little drooling, "ipod-people," readers of mine! Here comes this weeks (whatever.) muscle-tensing, blood vessel-blowing, "What the Shit!?"-filled entry of confusion and terror!

7th - Monster Dog - 1984. Ok. Alice Cooper in a horror film. An idea straight from heaven, right? Well, more likely from hell (and not in a "RAWK!" kind of way), this was hard to watch. It opens up with a tasty, Alice music vid, but goes down hill fast. There's way too much going on, (80's slasher, spaghetti western, Scooby-Doo episode, new-wave music video, even a few very brief shouts to older, better films.) and it's jumbled. The bad over-dub (not even Alice's voice!?!) and crappy effects don't help this fucking mess, not to mention the fact that I've seen better acting on episodes of The New Mickey Mouse Club. Verdict: Uhmmm.. , Nah. Stick to Alice's radio show. If you're stoned (Highly recommended [get it? sorry.]) and it's on TV, go 'head but if you're renting, get something else. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0087616/

8th - The Terror - 1963. Corman! and Karloff! and Jack! Oh My! This is a gem. Right off the bat, the artistic little animated opening gives it that old "Saturday afternoon serial" appeal. Then it 1-ups with the young Jack Nicholson and the classic Boris Karloff. Together they bridge the generation gap, effectively preserving classic movie monster cinema while ushering it into 60's, where Jack will eventually stake his claim. As usual, Nicholson's delivery is de-lish, as he turns simple dialogue into something of his own (but listen for a quirky, now funny, "village inn" line). Plus, dude, Dick Miller From Gremlins! An original score rounds this flick out to a classic "The End" finish you can smile at. Oh, yeah, and Coppola did some of the directing. Anyway, Watch it! http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0057569/

9th - Horror Express - 1972.
CL - "Yo, Peetah, with the 9-millimeetah! Sup' dawg!"
PC - "Lil' Chris! My nyuckle. What it- do!?"
CL - "Nahht-in', Jis-chillin.' Choo gon' do today?"
PC - "Pshhh! Ahh ow-know. Sup witchoo?"
CL - "Wanna kill some mark-ass rebels an' Jedi n' shit?"
PC - "Naw, plenty a time to do dem shits later. What else?"
CL - "Well, how 'bout we fuck around on this old-ass sleeper train with some hottie n' gang'a wacky-ass cats. That big bald, dum-dum eatin' bast'ad swiggin' vodka with a buncha ruskies an' a crazy-ass red-eyed monster runnin' 'round n' shit. Grips of ping-pong eyed muh-fuckas popin' up like colla's all ovah the place an' all that ol' bullshit! It'll be like that movie Clue, only all FFFuckt-up! Kid!"
PC - "OH Snap?! Yeah wooord. That sounds Dope!"
CL - "Woooooord, son."

CG - "Maaan, ya'll 'r on that darkside bullshit." http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0068713/

10th - Scream and Scream Again - 1970. Well. The first half sets up 3 or 4 separate plot lines and proceeds to tangle them thoroughly. Luckily, there're some cool London club scenes, complete with a band that sings the title track, to keep us interested. The second half uses a swingin' soundtrack, some pretty birds, a car chase and Vincent Price to tie it all together and set up a twist ending that makes it all worth it. Have fun, watch with a roommate and joke about the whole movie, and enjoy Christopher Lee and Price, their screen time is rationed. This one's a take it or leave it.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0064949/

11th - The Blob - 1958. Well gosh mister, this movie is "keen!" Lots of fun to watch, with unexpectedly good writing, dialogue and acting. The bubble-gum sock-hop theme (by Burt Eff-ing Bacharach!), sets the "Nick at Night" mood. And the Blob!, Aagh! The Blob looks great! The effects are really, . . well, effective! Holding water today, I can only imagine how sweet they must have looked in '58. But even all of that "stuff" isn't the best part of this classic. One thing that makes a classic a Classic is it's influence and while watching, I was noticing references left and right (just ask, my e-mail is listed below). When Rebel Without a Cause was released 3 years prior to this, it re-wrote the norm, and so it's the most dominant influence here, but that's what's great about Horror, it's an easier-to-swallow zietgeist (wiki it). Plus, (Spoiler Alert! but I gotta throw this in,) dig this ending: "They're flying it to the Arctic. It's not dead is it? No, it's not. Just frozen. I don't think it can be killed, but at least we've got it stopped. Yeah, as long as the Arctic stays cold." Ok, first google "zietgeist," then, watch this!
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0051418/

More to come! . .

"(31) Days Later"

These are the reviews I posted of last year's marathon, entitled "(31) Days Later." I originally posted these on MySpace, which supported active links where ever a web address is typed. You'll have to cut and paste the address from here, using IMDB which has a USEFUL LINK, to the right.

This month I'm using my own impressive movie library to watch 31 horror (comedy horror, maybe some Hitchcock) movies in 31 days. I've always wanted to do this, so keep your shoelaces crossed for me!

1st - The Devil Walks At Midnight - 1971. French with over dub. Bus-load of tourists spend the night in haunted German castle. Apply accordingly. This may be the original "succubus" flick! Or maybe not but, it's visibly from the swinger era so, yo, bras and panties, why not!? Having the convenience of Alamo Drafthouse free midnight movies twice a week, has broadened my appreciation for this sort. If you need some culture, green light on the viewing. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0067592/

2nd - Elvira, Mistress of the Dark - 1988. She's from the same troupe that brought us Pee Wee Herman, and it shows. I smell Ed Wood and John Waters. She's hot. She's funny. It's good. Read her bio if you can. It was my first Elvira experience, but it won't be my last. T'Do it. Aye! T'Do it. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0095088/

3rd - The Undertaker and His Pals - 1966. Holy shit. I should have guessed when the back read "a cult black-comedy. .", this would be a trial. It's from the 60's so it has that beat-era feel, but nowhere near cool. The ladies are trendy-hot but not enough to carry this piece of shit. Honestly, the closing credits are the best part. Only 63 min. and still unbearable. Only 2 films have I ever wished would just fucking end. Well, now it's 3. You gotta be a pretty die-hard film gee. . . You know what, fuck it. Just skip this one. Click the link if ya want, (cut and paste) but don't ever watch this. Ever. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0061140/

4th - Maniac - 1934 (yeah.). This is by a dude who's known for sexploitation movies ("Don't smoke marijuana, or else. .") though, I've never seen any of those. Influence is visible, but really, this one views like an Apocalypse* movie and it was really fun to watch, imagining all my old friends were playing all the roles. Bad accents, horrible cuts, poor lighting, fun dialogue, ridiculous script, great special defects, 51 min. running time, . . sounds terrible right? Exactly! Dude, pure Apoc! There definitely could be an Apoc re-make. It's a keeper! http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0025465/

(*Apocalypse Productions refers to a production company I used to enjoy, with a bunch of my friends when we we're in our 20's. We made movies and talk shows with our handicams. It was great.)

5th - Parents - 1988. This is a Vestron Pictures release (Ahh. . .80's VHS nostalgia. :) I love Vestron.). Set in atomic-era, Leave-it-to-Beaver suburbia, the sets and props are total eye-candy. Good pacing, fascinating direction, pleasantly disturbing writing, total WTF!? from open to credits, and a Randy Quaid on top! Watch it if you like any of the following combo's: The Adventures of Pete and Pete and DMT, The Shining and Tupper-ware Jello, The Wonder Years and a permanent psychotic episode, David Lynch does My Girl (or anything really), The Virgin Suicides and crack, Serial Mom and uhh. . . 2 Big Slams of Mountain Dew. Enjoy! http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0098068/

6th - From Dusk Till Dawn - 1996. Anyway, this was a treat to myself. I needed the break. Can't watch too many foreign, sub-genred, era-specific cult pieces without some good ol' trusty lil' numbers. Rodriguez is The Shit. Tarantino fucking owns you (me too, calm down.) and Clooney is my mutha-fucka. We've all seen it. Watch it again. Best line of the movie "They look like psychos? 'zat what they look like? They were vampires. Psychos!, Do not explode!, when sunlight hit's them. I don't care how crazy they are!" Yeee -ah! http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0116367/



Stay Tuned!

Thanks

So, if anyone's checking yet, thanks for bearing with me. Last years will come next and then the few from this year. Stay tuned.